Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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