Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Randomize