dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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