I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize