cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
