I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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