Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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