the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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