he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
