I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
