is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
