he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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