Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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