I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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