hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Randomize
