The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize