I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
