Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
