forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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