I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
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