do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
