Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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