When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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