you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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