i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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