I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
