Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
