Don't make out with my wife yet
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize