he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
