It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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