Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
