Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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