In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
