If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize