i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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