Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
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