I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
