How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
