So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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