her vagine was all disorganized.
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
