i permit you to call me
you guys were way drunker than both of me
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
