this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
