So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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