I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
