i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
