Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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