Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
