Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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