You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
