Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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