why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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