Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
try to milk me bitch
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