you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
