No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
