LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
