glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
