Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I wish I only lived at night.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Randomize
