I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
