i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
