Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
