The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
my poor anus
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
