he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Randomize
