At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
