Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
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