I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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