conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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