I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
