You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
