I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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