and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
