Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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