hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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