How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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