NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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