that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
