Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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