Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
