TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
