dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
