I heard we made out
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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