I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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