the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
