So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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