He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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