READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
