I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
