the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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