Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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