Where is the hickey?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Boobs are out for the taking
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
