I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
