I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
