i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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