We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
