I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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