i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Randomize
