I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
