Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
