he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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