woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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