she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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