Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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